DBHW Chapter 86

The productivity of the crew was very high, and fortunately, they had the key points for the script as well. With just some touch-up, they were able to make something out of it in a few days.

Gu Yan looked through the script in his hands. The script was no longer simple like it was at the start, there were more details now with dialogue and action scenes available as well. But when he was sober, he would not be moved that easily, so he would not remember his memories from the past.

There’s nothing wrong with this, he could face any situation with even more calm and rationality.

Just like right now. Half a month had already passed since shooting began, everything had gone very smoothly. Gu Yan sneered, Qin Yao’s plans may be falling through.

“Gu Yan, are you ready?”Director Yu’s assistant came over to ask. He was still very respectful towards Gu Yan.

“Mm, I’m ready.”Gu Yan got up. His makeup was already done and he was now completely in historical dress with long hair, brocade robes, and cloth shoes. He had the appearance of a rich man from the ancient times, but he had a sharpness in his eyes that not everyone was able to have.

Director Yu nodded when he saw Gu Yan come over, he was not a many of many words.

After the actors got in their places, the shooting began.

The scene they were currently shooting was the scene where Qin Zi Jia had just returned from a victorious battle. For the sake of winning this war, he had killed countless rebels and demons. And due to the mischief of the plague demons, he had lost half his men to their curse. Countless brothers he had known since he was young had died under those demons. Now that he had finally returned……He did not wish to kill anymore, so he took the initiative to hand over his military power. In recognition of his merits and knowledge, Emperor Chen Chan had heavily rewarded his parents. Even though the minister was graced with so much influence, he did not make any progress after that. What the heir did was no different from the rich offspring of the others in the capital.

Qin Zi Jia was still living outside of the mansion, and rarely returned home. However, it happened to be the start of the month, so according to his usual practices, he went home to share a meal with his parents and brothers.

Due to his renown deeds that received the favour of Emperor Chen Chan, the minister couple was very polite with him. Their interactions were not like that of a son and his father, but more like comrades in the same line of work. His mother would show him a pleasant face every so often, but that was so she could ask him to take good care of his younger brothers. After all, everyone knew that everything the Qin household had right now was due to him.

He knew this, but he still kept up with these superficial sentiments. After all, these were the parents who brought him to this world, and raised him.

Gu Yan already had an idea of the plot, but when he walked through the gates of the mansion, his face still changed. Every part of this place felt familiar to him, and was almost the same as his dream.

How did the crew manage this? Besides him, who else could remember what the place looked like back then?

That would only be Qin Yao. Before he left, Qin Yao had practically been following him like a shadow. He had also visited the minister’s mansion before.

Gu Yan calmed his mind and walked into the main courtyard. The actors playing his parents were sitting there. After dressing up, they were about 70 to 80% alike with the ones from his dream.

Father Qin stroked his beard and smiled to him:”You’re here, come and sit.”

Mother Qin had also smiled to him,”It has been a long time since you’ve come back, Jia’Er.”

Gu Yan paused for a moment, but he walked slowly over. His parents would not be this cheerful in their daily life, and his mother would be speaking even less. For them to appear like this today meant that something was up. Recalling these, he hesitated for a moment. He had read through the script and was familiar with what happened after this dialogue, but his earlier thoughts came just like instinct. It was like he was really thinking in the perspective of his old self.

Gu Yan sat down at the table silently.

Father Qin hesitated for a moment before saying:”You are no longer young, have you thought about your future?”

At this time, Qin Zi Jia should be twenty-seven years old. In those times, it was simply unbelievable for him to have been without wife. He had been indifferent to this side of things before, but after he entered the army, he returned very less. Now, he had finally returned, but his terrifying notoriety was far-reaching, even passed around with song and dance in the capital. His existence was just like a demon, there would be no good families who will be willing to hand him their daughters in marriage, even with his grand status. But there were quite many who brought him women, and they were met with his refusal without mercy.

Gu Yan pursed his lips,”I haven’t.”

It was quite rare that Mother Qin would speak, and she spoke without any anxiety,”You are no longer young, you will have to inherit the title of minister in the future. It is your duty to settle down for the sake of the household. Grand Preceptor Xiao’s young granddaughter Hua Rong Yue has both the looks and the talent, mother thinks the two of you will look good together, what do you think?”

Grand Preceptor Xiao’s granddaughter was indeed a beauty. At that time, she was the top amongst the talented women in the country, and countless talented young men had also tried to court her. However, three years ago, the girl had ended up eloping with some unknown scholar, instantly turning her into the laughing stock of the capital. Grand Preceptor Xiao was very angry. He had always loved this granddaughter of his, but he would never have expected her to smear the name of the Xiao family in such a way! But how could a scholar withstand the might of the Xiao family? They were quickly caught and taken back. The scholar had been beaten with a cane until his death, while girl had been forced to get an abortion, and locked up in the house.

After several years, Grand Preceptor Xiao was still reluctant to give up on this granddaughter of his. After all, this was the child he loved the most, but her reputation was ruined, how was she still going to get married? He could not bear to marry her off to some random person either, so he took the initiative to send her to Qin Zi Jia. Grand Preceptor Xiao’s idea was good, both of their families were well-matched in their standing. Even though both Mother and Father Qin were unhappy with the bad reputation of the girl, Qin Zi Jia’s own reputation was not great either. So they decided to put them together, and they could even gain the favour of the Xiao family, this was a good deal for them.

There were all written in the script, Gu Yan was very clear about it.

“If you think it will work, how about I arrange for the two of you to meet? Then we can quickly decide on a date, settling the wedding before the year ends.”Mother Qin smiled,”Only after settling your big day can your mother finally stop worrying about you.”

It was currently less than a month before the New Year, not even normal people would be so rash with these decisions, let alone the family of a minister.

Gu Yan looked at the smile on the face of the woman before him, appearing as if she was really worrying about him, and wanted to be good to him.

The flames of rage suddenly rose up within his heart.

“Your son knows what to do, mother, you don’t have to worry yourself over this.”Gu Yan spat out a few words in a cold tone.

Mother Qin’s brows were knitted into a light frown,”You always say that, but I’ve never seen anyone by your side all these years, how could your mother not worry?”

Gu Yan suddenly stood up and leaned over, sneering:”Are you really worrying for my sake?”

“Of, of course I am……”Mother Qin’s expression turned anxious in an instant.

Gu Yan suddenly broke out in laughter. After a long laugh, his eyes were sharp as daggers,”Don’t you feel guilty, saying such things?!”

Gradually, his vision started to blur as he looked at the people in front of him. Something painful seemed to be leaking out of his chest as bit by bit, his calm and reason had started to turn into dust. The things he thought would not affect him started to rear its head. It was not incapable of affecting him in the past, they were just being suppressed, and right now, it was all bursting out.

Director Yu wrinkled his brows, the scene was getting out of control at the moment. The things Gu Yan were saying were not the lines they had prepared at all. He should be showing a sad yet constrained expression, having to maintain his calm even though he was angry. But right now, he seemed to be completely overwhelmed by anger, not even bothering to use the right honorifics for his mother.

He got up and wanted to stop Gu Yan, but a hand suddenly pushed down on his shoulder. Director Yu turned back and saw that it was Qin Yao standing behind him, shaking his head,”Continue.”

In this moment, a lot of thoughts went through Director Yu’s mind. He knew that Qin Yao had other reasons to create this movie, but he did not know what it was. Since Qin Yao did not tell him, he did not ask, all he had to do was to cooperate with him. Actually, he had already discovered that Gu Yan was a little strange throughout this time, but not even Gu Yan himself realized it. He got into his role really quickly, and today, he was even starting to lose control.

Director Yu sat down and calmly indicated the others not to interrupt them, continuing with their filming.

“Do you regret giving birth to me? Do you regret the fact that I did not die out there? Do you hate me……?”Gu Yan’s deep laughter echoed through the scene,”Yes……You’ve given birth to me, and raised me, allowing me to grow up without any worry for food or dress. I am thankful, so no matter how you treat me, I would never disobey you……This is what I owe you, but! This ends here!”

Gu Yan flipped the table over with a single hand, throwing the teapot and fruits down onto the ground, making a big mess. The two actors had gone a little silly from shock, not even knowing what to say anymore.

Gu Yan’s eyes were too scary, he looked like he was going to kill them at any moment!

Gu Yan swept a cold look at them, and turned to leave! Enough, why did he have to go through these sort of things again!

He had enough of this, this was fake, it’s just an act! Those two are already dead, they’ve been dead for a thousand years! He could not speak out about all the resentment within his heart, but now, he could say it without hesitation, telling them all the pain and disgust within his heart. He did not have to bear with it anymore, he would be the only one bearing it, and those people would just push their luck, taking his tolerance as what they were due.

Finally, he would not be that fool anymore, but……so what? After this much time had passed, the ones he loved, the ones he hated, they were all dead……

They will no longer hear him speak.

He will not endure it anymore, he will only live for himself. But there was no meaning to living at all, he was just like a walking corpse.

He did not want to be like this, he wanted to let it go. If he could, he would his life ended completely.

But why did he come back? Why did he have to remember all of this?

Leaving him to live alone in his boundless resentment and loneliness……Why was he punished like this? Turning him into a demon who won’t ever die? He wanted to forget those memories completely, but they still lingered in his mind as if it had been carved into his bones.

Everything around him was like hauntingly grotesque.

Gu Yan went off somewhere far, and walked around aimlessly. He thought he would not stop, but Qin Yao suddenly appeared beside him, pulling his hand.

“I will take you to a place.”Qin Yao told him.

He stuffed Gu Yan into his car and drove off, finally stopping near the noisy downtown area of the capital. The commercial district did not allow cars to enter, so they could only get down and walk.

As soon as Gu Yan raised his head, he realized that Qin Yao had brought him there. He looked at that road, and suddenly fear started to rise in his heart. TUrning around, he wanted to leave.

But Qin Yao did not allow him to escape. He caught Gu Yan’s hand with his tight grip, pulling him to the front, and stopping there. Cold sweat ran down Gu Yan’s forehead and his lips turned white. If he took one more step, he would fall into that incessant despair and pain that he would never be able to peel himself from. When he chased Zhu Han Wei here the first time he came to the capital, he had suddenly fallen into that inexplicable pain that made him wish he was dead.

He would never forget that pain as long as he lived.

“This is where the prisoners are executed during the Chen dynasty. This place is soaked with fresh blood year round, with many spirits still tied here, this place is the spot with the most negative energy in the capital. Emperor Chen Chan still could not rest at ease after killing you, so he buried your head down here, suppressing it with the most vicious array they could manage so that he could ensure you would not come back to get your revenge from him, and that your spirit will always be tormented by the negative energy. You’ve experienced it for yourself, how painful it was.”Qin Yao continued,”Actually, Emperor Chen Chan was really overthinking it, you’re not that kind of person at all……”

“It was already too late when I returned, but I can’t allow you to suffer after death. Even so, this matter had been kept too secret, and the people who put you down were all removed by Emperor Chen Chan. It was not easy for me to find where you were buried. I managed to find every piece of your body……And put it back together.”

“……The reason you suddenly had that headache when you came here was because……Even though you’ve already been taken out of here, the trauma of that pain had already been engraved into your mind. As long as a catalyst appeared, you would fall back into that despair……It should not be able to affect you anymore since I have destroyed the array a long time ago, they can no longer tie you down, the one who can’t come out of it is yourself. Even if you’ve forgotten everything, you still can never extricate yourself from this pain.”

“Your body has never once forgotten about the past.”

“The unbearable sadness, anger, the painful past……You’ve never once forgotten.”

“I suddenly feel a little regretful……If living meant only pain to you, and if that was the only thing it could ever be, then the best thing way to free you is through death. If you couldn’t forget this pain, if you didn’t wish to……”

“Then……I will free you.”

Without any hint of emotion on his face, he looked at Gu Yan. Suddenly, Qin Yao extended his hand, pushing Gu Yan forward!

19 thoughts on “DBHW Chapter 86

  1. Thank you for the chaper, Helli. I hope everything is going ok with you.

    Now now, I just want to say, I detest Qin Yao.
    He’s supposed to be the ML, but still, it had been a long, long time since I detested any ML, I usually just don’t like ’em. He’s blind, obsessive and just carrying about himself.
    Had he ever questioned himself, what is a demon, and how one become a demon?
    Ai ai…

    Liked by 4 people

    1. You read Chinese BL and QY is the first time in a long time you’ve detested an ML? Bra, what are you reading? 95% of the Chinese BL MLs are possessive c*nts that I have a hard time remembering even one I like. The exception is the couple in Founder of Diabolism. I hate that the author went with the possessive trope. I normally rage quit these types of stories but since Gu Yan is not pathetic or ditzy, I can tolerate. Normally, the MCs are just as annoying as the ML.


      1. lol u in the wrong site then cuz I’m all about those hunnies. But even as a possessive ML, QY really is lacking LOL he has no presence he is a shadow.
        On another hand, maybe chinese people like possessive tropes because of how less we’re usually wanted lmao

        Liked by 2 people

      2. If you want stories with caring ML who is easy to love, then you might like these novels (starting from my absolute favorite): Spring Trees and Sunset Clouds (wuxia), God Level Summoner (e-sports), How To Die As Heavy As Mount Tai (world-hopping), I am the Lucky Cat of an MMORPG (games), You Boys Play Games Very Well (games) and Yeho (historical, some have found this one hard to read, but I loved it). Coincidentally, these all are in my ‘top 10 BL’ list.


  2. For a lot of the story I thought QY’s master was also a cultivator, but it really seems that he wasn’t. Just experienced a horrifying death.

    I hope that QY can help him, draw him out of the pain. But who knows.

    Thanks for the great translation β™₯️β™₯️β™₯️β™₯️😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

    heck, if im someone hella scared of worms, will my “admirer” casually push me to a sea of worms, hoping i could get over it myself and be happy afterwards, give him a hug and say “thanks! I got over my fear cuz you you pushed me in there! Muah muah!!!” FUDGE NO.


    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m going to be the voice of dissent right now and say I actually like this ML. First of all, the MC is psycho demon. He has no morals, killed thousands, just because he has a tragic past doesn’t mean he’s not a bad/evil/horrible person still. And now, even with some of the memories restored, he’s STILL a horrible person. He wants to kill everyone because he was betrayed/he doesn’t care anymore etc. He wants vengeance on all humankind (plus he’s a demon so he enjoys eating people). The only thing he has going for him right now is that he hasn’t actually killed innocent people despite fantasizing about it all the time.

    The ML is also a kind-of horrible person; regular people are like ants to him as well and the only reason he hasn’t gone off the deep end is because of his obsession with the MC/his past feelings of responsibility and guilt etc. The ML is also extremely selfish. He wants the MC to accept his love, not just be a follower/disciple of the MC like he was in the past. He’s doing all of these things for himself because he wants their relationship restored to that ‘ideal’ in his memories. He wants the MC to have morals again because that’s the master he always admired. However, he still gets some points because no matter his selfish intentions, restoring the MC’s morals is a positive moral goal.

    Meanwhile, FZC is like… the only good guy? He’s like a soft piece of cotton. He has no defense against the MC and they definitely have an extremely unbalanced power relationship. Yeah, he’s calculating in terms of his businesses and he’s not some kind of naive innocent, and he did accept what he saw of the MC’s crazy side, but he has NO CLUE how crazy/demonic the MC actually is.

    That’s why I’m super down with this ML x MC (even though I was totally rooting for FZC in the beginning). It’s because they truly deserve each other. I’m super tired of controlling ML’s too but actually this one I don’t mind so much because the MC really needs a leash. He’s a frickin’ bloodthirsty demon! Plus a huge PLUS in my book is that the ML isn’t pampering/doting on the MC like crazy. Because he knows the ML is a demon, he actually has enough self control to bite back against the MC’s manipulations. And the MC is cool enough to just walk away when the ML is getting too annoying (I LOVE THIS.) In other novels (not just BL), controlling ML’s are also portrayed as like…parental figures. They frequently feed/clothe/carry the MC around (very disturbing ok). I’m so thankful he’s not doing this, so I’m giving him a pass on the jealousy/compulsiveness on the dude he’s been worshipping for 1000 years.

    TLDR; wow i did not expect to write so much

    Liked by 1 person

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