Another song I’ve used before, but it gives nice vibes for this chapter qq
Fu Zhe Chuan walked to Gu Yan and took off his coat, putting it over his shoulders. He smiled:”If you run off without saying anything, everyone will get worried.”
Only then did Gu Yan notice how much of a mess he looked like right now. He had already thrown away his blood-stained jacket early on, and his white shirt that had not been washed in many days was now dirty, even his shoes were stained with mud. If not for his face, one might really believe it if you told them he was a tramp.
He gave him a plain smile, not agreeing nor disagreeing.
Fu Zhe Chuan did not ask, or even say anything. He was clearly a thousand miles away, by himself on a lonely night, but the interaction of the two was just like they had just bumped into each other on the streets like usual.
His concern for him was like the trickle of a leaking tap; flowing, but silent.
“Should we go back?”Said Fu Zhe Chuan with a smile.
Gu Yan curled up the corners of his lips,”Sure.”
He should be going back now, and everything will go back to how it usually was.
Gu Yan returned to his own residence in Haiyun City. Xu Ming had been waiting at home for him like an anxious ant on a hot pan, pacing around in circles, his eyes covered with unconcealable worry. Seeing Gu Yan return together with Fu Zhe Chuan, he finally heaved a heavy sigh of relief, and his eyes reddened in an instant.
“Where did you go? I was worried sick.”Xu Ming looked at Gu Yan and spoke with a hoarse voice. He could not stop blaming himself. Gu Yan said he wanted to be by himself for a while, and he just believed it. And as a result, he could not find any news of him for many days, and turning back to look for him again, he found that the mountain villa looked as if it had been blown over by a hurricane, whilst Gu Yan’s figure was nowhere to be seen. He could not help feeling anxious, so he could only look to Fu Zhe Chuan for help.
“I’m fine.”Gu Yan smiled,”I’m a little tired, so I’m going to rest. You two should go back.”
Xu Ming wanted to speak, but he stopped himself. Before he was able to say anything, Fu Zhe Chuan pulled him away, saying,”Have a good rest.”Then, he took Xu Ming away with him.
Gu Yan went back to his own room. This was the first place he could stay in he came to the human world.
At that time, he had come to this world filled with ambitions and hopes; but now, in just a short amount of time, it felt as if he had gone through a lifetime.
He would not have thought at that time, that so many things would happen outside of his expectations.
And he also would not have known that he was once a human.
Gu Yan laid down on his soft bed, and slowly closed his eyes.
These days, he had also been roaming around outside like a ghost, he had never shut his eyes for more than a blink. And now, in this familiar place that he could barely call his home, he suddenly felt a little tired, he wanted to take a rest.
Perhaps, he could take a rest……
Suddenly, he was standing in front of a traditional Chinese mansion. It was a winter day, and everything was covered in a layer of white. Matching with the whiteness of the mansion, it felt as if the entire world was without colour, only white.
He was so very tired, it had taken him more than a dozen days, tiring a few horses to death without leaving them any rest for a single moment to finally rush home.
But even after he had rushed back, he was still unable to see his grandmother one last time. The only person that would care for him within this mansion left the world silently, just like that. He felt very sad, but he could not find his tears. Perhaps he had long been used to putting on an act of indifference, it had been too long since he had revealed his emotions. So, when he was sad, he could not put on an expression of sadness.
Still travel-worn, he went in without even a change of clothes, straight to his mother’s abode.
His mother was dressed in plain colours. Even though they have not seen each other in two years, she still did not show any joy in seeing him again. Seeing him, she only frowned before saying plainly:”You’re back.”As if the one who returned was just an unwelcome stranger.
She was simply too lazy to even give him any of her time. She did not even ask whether he had been doing well outside, whether it was cold on the way back, if he was hungry, she just looked at him with impatience,”Your place has been kept clean all along, I’m busy, so go back for now.”
Saying that, she turned to leave. As she walked, she told the maid by her side:”Has the second young master woken up? He has been crying too much from sadness these few days, it would not be good if he hurt his eyes.”Her expression was extremely gentle.”Send the bird’s nest soup over to him later.”
This scene felt like an eyesore to him, but he would no longer express any of his feelings.
Respectfully, he watched as his mother left.
He was already more than twenty years old this year, he was no longer a child no more than a decade old, he would not be angry just because his parents were showing partiality to a sibling, nor would he feel sad because he could not get any snacks; being ignored was no longer sad for him.
He was already used to not caring about anything.
He returned to his own compound, and indeed, everything was clean. With the strict rules of the mansion, nobody dared to give him the cold shoulder.
He had never been neglected in any way here, be it in food, clothes, or other necessities, as well as providing him with a proper career, his status in this world was unwavering. He had everything, so he should not have any complaints……The only thing lacking here, was the feeling of home.
He was like an unnecessary surplus of the family. Nobody here cares for his existence.
At night, his father returned. He took the initiative to summon him.
He asked him some very particular questions about things regarding the border, such as how the situation there was, and whether the immigrants were sticking to their boundaries, asking what the emperor thought about that place, and so on. At the end of it, he also said that he has grown up, and was greatly successful now. He even told him that he would pass his title down to him in the future. After these three years, he had to take good care of his brothers and sisters, guiding them well, and in the future, they would be his support……He said many things to him, but he had just never asked whether he had gotten hurt outside, and whether he missed home.
His father had quite the absurd childhood. After his mother married into the family, his pregnant mother was soon ignored so his father could pamper his other concubines instead. With gritted teeth, his mother suffered many hardships while he was still inside of her. She was not able to get his father’s favour, so for the sake of dealing with that concubine, she set down the decision to send several pretty young maids to his father. After that, she did not have an easy birth. The noisy chatter of his father’s harem grew louder and louder, and now, the life of a happily married couple was nothing more than a dream for her. From then on, her heart was no longer with his father. As a woman who was now devoid of any jealousy or envy, she managed the harem well and held the rights to manage the residence’s money in her hands.
That group of concubines did not slack either, they gave his father many children. Not a single one of those children and their mothers were ill-treated, the women were raised with good food and good clothing, while the children were raised and educated by her side. Even his father had to admit she was good, there were no faults he could find with her.
Other’s harems would always end up in a fire, but his harem could not be more harmonious. As he got older, he slowly started to see the good in his mother again. As the two warmed up to each other, his mother gave birth to the second young master. This was a child who came with anticipation.
Compared to he, whose existence was not even expected, the children of those other women were different. They were given much hope and affection by their parents.
Since young, he had been raised as the succeeding heir. The teacher they hired was a great Confucian scholar of that time. With a great lineup of servant girls waiting on him, and a big court to stay in, he had everything he wanted. The only thing he lacked since he was young, was that he rarely saw the faces of his parents. At first, the relationship of his parents were sour. For the sake of consolidating her position in the family, she busied about to deal with the harem intrigue, and had practically no mood to even care about him. After that, a new child came after their parents got back together. The pair were so extremely busy that they did not have any time to take care of him then either.
Besides, he had never been one that required much maintenance in the eyes of his parents.
But in truth, he remembered how he had cried for his mother and father when he was young, and had yet to learn about sensibilities. But after being rejected many times, he gradually learned that crying was useless. Only when he performed excellently did he receive some praise from his parents.
For the sake of that perfunctory praise, for the sake of appearing just a little bit useful, he had put in a large amount of effort that many would not have expected.
But his parents would never know of it.
Only later did he understand how sad his life had been, never being able to pursue that which did not belong to him.
But fortunately, he still had his grandmother. His grandmother was a very gentle and wise woman. Due to the war, his grandfather had died early, and since then, she had worked hard to raise her son up. Though her health started to decline later on, and she was not able to deal with all the nonsense surrounding his father.
But she never forgot about the existence of this grandson of hers. Every so often, she would call him in to have a seat. She would talk to him about many things in the past, telling him about how his grandfather was a great hero who protected the country, and scolded his father for being such a waste.
He always looked forward to the stories his grandmother would tell him, which was why he joined the army without hesitation, not willing to become a scholar like his parents wanted him to be.
And because of this, all his efforts over the past ten years had been lost, and he was once again abandoned.
But he no longer cared.
It had been a very long time since he had last returned. In these recent years, he had rarely entered through the gates of his home, usually only coming back once for the New Years. Last year, due to how tense things were on the warfront, he did not even return for the New Years.
But who knew that the kind old woman had actually left the earth when he returned once more, he wondered whether she had mentioned him in her last moments.
As he walked on the pathways, he felt that this place had become more and more unfamiliar to him. This clearly should have been his home, but it was not.
In the end, he still did not decide to stay, he returned to the tent he had set up outside. That tent was way smaller, but instead, it felt warmer to him. What did a place where he alone lived had to be so big for?
It just made the space appear more empty.
When he returned, the boy was waiting for him right by the entrance. Snow covered his body and the tip of his nose was red from the cold, but he watched the door without moving, just like a statue. The snow had already covered his ankles, and it was clear he did not even take a single step. The instant he saw him, his eyes instantly brightened up.
He suddenly felt his heart becoming warm. This was the child he picked up, but he cared for him more than his family that was tied to him by blood.
In the blink of an eye, three years have passed. That malnourished child he had picked up in the past had now grown into a beautiful young man.
When he returned home for the funeral this time, the young teen could not stop sticking to him, insisting on coming with him no matter what. He could not bring him back to the mansion, so he just placed him in this tent.
When he walked over, he rubbed the top of the boy’s head. Bits of ice were resting on his hair,”Why didn’t you wait inside? I didn’t say I’d definitely return today.”
Thinking about how he might have continued standing here in the heavy snowfall, and might even hurt himself from the cold, he felt a little angry:”How many times have I told you? Don’t you know how to love yourself?”
The boy looked at him as if he had been wronged, and spoke in a low voice,”I hoped that you could see me waiting for you when you came back.”
Suddenly, his words were stuck at his throat, and he could not continue. For a long time, there was not a single crack in his expression. His eyes were faintly filled with a stern light, and with a hoarse voice, he ended up saying only three words that was as light as the wind.
“I saw it.”